Swine flu. Run for my life!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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