Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
