I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize