Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
