my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
