just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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