So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize