I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
