If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
