If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
