As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You can't just leave with hair like that
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
