i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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