You really coming over, don't trick.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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