I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
