There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
