i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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