and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
