my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
