I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize