It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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