I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
