Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
