I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
