Welp...herpes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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