My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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