I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
