youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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