is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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