hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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