guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
