Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
