I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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