Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
