dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize