Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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