I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
