I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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