There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
