Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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