Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
