Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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