I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
