that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
