Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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