Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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