Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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