2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i already hear my dad disowning me
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize