Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
