Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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