i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
