"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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