After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
