is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
