apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
