You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So squirting runs in the family.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
