I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
