Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
