Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
