I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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