Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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