so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Let's get the cat blown out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
