My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
