He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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