if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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