And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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