I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
