you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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