We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
