I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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