like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
