I cannot find my penis.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
