i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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