Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
