I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
