I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
