I hate all girls vehemently.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
