is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
