i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
