My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize